Calling in Sick – Part 2

Purportedly from the Sunday, April 14, 1994 edition of the Washington Post. A contest was held in which readers were asked to come up with excuses to miss a day of work:

  • If it is all the same to you, I won’t be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
  • When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can’t get off the john, but I feel good about it.
  • I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
  • I can’t come in to work today because I’ll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?
  • Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won’t be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I’ll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
  • The dog ate my car keys. We’re going to hitchhike to the vet.
    I prefer to remain an enigma.
  • My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
    I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
  • I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
  • I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share. I’m feeling a little disgruntled this morning. You think I should come in?

About David Rupert

Newsletter Editor for the High Calling Find me over at http://www.RedLetterBelievers.com
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3 Responses to Calling in Sick – Part 2

  1. Rodrigo says:

    Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Até mais.

  2. Anonymous says:

    You can use the one I do.. “I’m not coming in today, it snowed 18″ last night, can I just work tonight?”

    or

    “I not coming in today, I’m packing, oh yeah… I quit!”

  3. Anonymous says:

    Hey, I recently added a news widget from http://www.widgetmate.com to my blog. It shows the latest news, and just took a copy and paste to implement. Might interest you too.

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